Six Words Were a Kick in the Stomach

Six Words Were a Kick in the Stomach
By Leslie Sturgeon, WIW Founder

“Why Don’t You Go
Produce Something . . .”

Six words. That’s it, six. Those few words hit me like a freight train when they came in a text a few years ago from someone close to me (and who is a fellow entrepreneur).

I didn’t realize how deeply it hurt and affected me until recently. As women we sometimes feel we aren’t doing enough, being enough, good enough, blah, blah, blah. You know what I’m talking about, right? When someone says something like that it stings even when we know their statement is snarky and really has to do with them, not us.

On any given Sunday, I would think “I should work on the basement.” “I should go to my office and get a jump start on the week.” I should, I should, I “should” all over myself. Beating myself up for perceived shortcomings is natural for me – after all, I have been doing it for 56 years. I am sure you can see why those words hit a nerve!

By now you are probably asking why am I telling you all this? Because this summer I gained a better understanding of myself and felt you might find my experience helpful in your journey.

It was the beginning of July which means a beautiful time of year here in New Hampshire. With so much rain this summer, sunny days were few and far between. I was swimming in my pool on a sunny weekday afternoon (what some perceive as “normal” business hours, perhaps even a lunch break in a traditional job). Those six words flooded my head – again. I had given myself permission to enjoy the pool, the weather and get a little exercise so what’s the issue? Why was I feeling guilty?

For about two weeks, I felt restless and kind of cranky – almost defensive. WTF was going on? It was during a session with my therapist that everything changed. We had discussed this all before but this day was different. I even felt it in my bones and the continuous hot flashes told me I was about to bust open and have a growth spurt. With her guidance (or maybe it was her “permission” I needed), I decided to turn July into an experiment of sorts.  I would strive to only do what I wanted to do, when and how I wanted to do it. I would try to be more present and sit with the thoughts and feelings. I would push through the discomfort. I would turn down the noise. I would treat myself with love, grace and understanding. I would get all of me in alignment (head, heart, body). I would feel the feels and release the weight of the past such as dying, death, loss, body image struggles, Covid affecting my career and business, being parent-and-relationship-less for 7 years and navigating all that new normal BS. Not gonna lie, this was a bitch.

I gave myself a deadline of August 1^st to complete the experiment. What I learned or was reminded from this deep dive was the following:

• We have to step back, even if we can only carve out 15 minutes a day of focus time to start. We need to prioritize our own well-being. We need to seek out help from trusted friends or professionals. We don’t always need to be going, doing, serving, pleasing. We need to breathe. Deep, cleansing breaths that make our body relax.

• We need to understand how we want to live our lives, how we want to expend our time and energy, and what gets our juices flowing. We have to use our voice to express to others what we need – and use it to say, “Hell no,” or “No, thank you!” or “Never again” or “let me grab my purse, I’m on my way. I hope we don’t get arrested!”

• We need to remind ourselves that no one else’s opinions matter and have little to do with us (and as the saying goes “it is none of our business”).

• Be kind to yourself and others – because words matter, even in self-talk.

The biggest “a-ha” for me was that the word “produce,” – as defined by this person, it basically meant sitting at my desk and generating something measurable and tangible. For me as a creative type, I come up with my best ideas in unexpected places. I really just “execute” at my desk. For the remainder of the summer, I gave myself permission to float in the pool whenever I wanted because I knew with my mind being clear, creative ideas would flow out of me. And boy did they ever! I set up my Alexa speaker poolside so I could dictate notes for later retrieval. I now read a book on a Sunday if that is what I feel like doing because that makes me happy and helps in my personal growth. My basement is clean enough!

Do what works for you. Do what sets you up for success and happiness. Nurture your own process so you feel happy and aligned. If you work for someone else, ask about a schedule that allows you to do your best work, even if it isn’t 8:00 a.m. when the business opens. You do you, girlfriend!

I am grateful for the clarity I got during this unplanned “Serenity Sabbatical” and feel so much lighter. In July when people asked what I was doing, rather than getting defensive or feeling like I had to justify myself, I simply said “resting, rejuvenating, reflecting, and working on me! It’s the most important job.”

So in closing, I want to share 6 different words with you . . . You have permission to live, Girlfriend. Afterall, we are still a work in progress and occasionally need someone to tell us what to do!

Leslie Sturgeon is the spirited founder of Women Inspiring Women, and has been described as a reformed shy girl, a serial entrepreneur, a tireless leader of women in New Hampshire, a crazy dog lover and as someone who tackles life’s challenges head on with a positive attitude. She has spent her life learning about herself, taking massive action outside of her comfort zone and lived to talk about it. Leslie has “been there” and continues to transform into the best version of herself right along side you. She lives life without regret while embracing today and overflowing with excitement about what is yet to come. Leslie also likes girl talk and chocolate and laughing so hard she snorts or pees (sometimes both simultaneously).