It’s Not Just a Dress
By Leslie Sturgeon, WIW Founder
I decided to write this post today because it was on my mind all day – although some of you will think it is quirky LOL. But I can be quirky at times so here goes.
There have been several times in my life that I made life-altering health decisions . . . the first was when I was 38 and had a total hysterectomy that catapulted me into menopause and ruined any chances of ever becoming a Mom in the traditional sense. The second was six years ago today when I had bariatric surgery (and 6 months later had my pesky gallbladder removed – see ya gallbladder). To read the blog post, CLICK HERE.
As I was going through my closet this morning, I stopped on this blue dress kind of hidden amongst the rest. And it took my breath away and emotions came flooding in. This is not just any dress, in my opinion. But why today when I passed so many other dresses in my closet? Here’s a little bit about this dress: It was one of the first ones I bought at Macy’s that wasn’t in the “goddess” section. The first time I wore it was at my Mom’s celebration of life as she loved blue and I also felt it represented our family’s love of the beautiful blue water of Lake Winnipesaukee. That day I wore it with a necklace with waves etched in it and it contained both our parent’s ashes. The next time I wore it was on one of my first dates ever in my life. Navigating the single life after only being with 2 people since I was 14 has been an interesting journey. I then gained weight back which caused major guilt and shame. And obviously the end to dresses that weren’t a plus size.
What I was reminded through extensive inner work is that I am an emotional eater and the last 11 years have been rough – duh. But that my weight, curves, and cellulite don’t define who I am at my core. I am not my thighs – good to know, right? It is armor and patterns. But armor for what? Still trying to figure that out but what I know for sure is that life is different and so am I. A little bumped, bruised, grief stricken at times, lonely for my soulmate, but fully embracing what and who I am. And it feels good – damn good. Although I know the best is yet to come, I never lose sight of the here and now.
So why the emotion today with this piece of fabric? I took a chance and put it on – it fits me again. Not well and doesn’t land in all the right spots but I wore it anyway . . . On this anniversary of a big life decision with my bariatric surgery. A reminder of where I was, where I got to and where I will be again. It reminds me of Mom. It reminds me of my dating journey. Today I attended a ribbon cutting of a local business celebrating their expansion in my new role as the Executive Director of the Meredith Area Chamber of Commerce (I love this organization and local business – score!). The Chamber’s brand colors are blue. We were on the shores of the Smile of the Great Spirit (Lake Winnipesaukee). It is colorful and bold like I have been told I am at times (unfiltered perhaps, too). Fear not my Women Inspiring Women pals, pink will return in the fall and I can’t wait to get my hands on you!
Here is the moral of this very long story . . . as the saying goes, there are no coincidences in life. I was drawn on this “anniversary” day to this dress that once represented accomplishment, celebration, new beginnings, goodbyes, a bit of shame and guilt in that it was in the back of the closet for at least 2 years and didn’t fit, then it fit again after some effort over the last year and who knows where this dress will lead me next. My advice and what I learned today – be present. Reflect on and celebrate even the smallest moments. Cry it out if you need to. And perhaps even strut your stuff in a dress that is slightly too tight but own that shit if you do!
Now at the end of the day, it is back in the closet. The bra is off and you know what that means – this day is DONE. Goodnight blue dress – maybe we will hang out next week again. Just because! The end.
Leslie Sturgeon is the founder of Women Inspiring Women, and has been described as a reformed shy girl, a serial entrepreneur, a tireless leader of women in New Hampshire, a crazy dog lover and as someone who tackles life’s challenges head on with a positive attitude. She has spent her life learning about herself, taking massive action outside of her comfort zone and lived to talk about it. Leslie has “been there” and continues to transform into the best version of herself right along side you. She lives life without regret while embracing today and overflowing with excitement about what is yet to come. Leslie also likes girl talk and chocolate and laughing so hard she snorts or pees (sometimes both simultaneously).
Such a good post! This is the part of “fashion” I love the most: I believe we all have a few specific articles of clothing that become the stewards of memories, moments, emotions, growth, and personal journeys. They help us recall details, and they remind us where we’ve been, who we are, and to keep going. The dress (or T-shirt, or suit, or blouse, etc.) stays constant – WE do the changing! I love how you shared this fascinating tool of discovery, awareness, and possibility. Thank you for writing today, Leslie!
Lani, my muse, my friend, my cuddler, my inspiration, my grab-life-by-the-balls partner, the teacher of Rock, Paper, Scissors, a lover of lists and thinky thoughts, and my beloved . . .
You have been an extraordinary teacher to get out of my damn head and into my heart. To practice tenderness and forgiveness with myself and to be open to the possibilities. To twerk if I want to and to never miss a moment to hug it out. So grateful that we are hand-in-hand doing life together.
You’re such an incredible woman and thanks for sharing! Big hugs from Minnesota!
My beautiful friend! I am so grateful that our life paths have crossed.
Leslie! You are a remarkable individual and I love your approach to continuous learning and growth… the art of becoming. As for the dress – it’s got the ‘it factor’ worthy of being on YOU! IF it could express more through words, it would say “Thank you for making me look so damn good!”
As you very well know, that journey of becoming depends on being open and mindful to what surrounds you, what’s within you, and making choices / decisions on how to interact with it all. You are a believer in yourself and others. You are bold and agile, facing life with ‘bring it on!’ You make informed decisions with a balance of trusting your instinct and your actions always seem to be the actions that matter most! Living this way can’t avoid the expansion of one’s comfort zone. 🙂
The world is such a great place because you are here, inspiring others, living truthfully, fully, and with a huge heart! With a big hug, grateful for our connection and how you are part my journey of becoming. Here’s to strutting our stuff and owning it!
Thank you so much – definitely got a little misty on this one. You have been such a big part of my journey, and I thank you immensely for your love, friendship and guidance.
Wow. Just wow. So many feels over a piece of fabric that may or may not conform to cover this, my temple, my body. Why do we, women,, have such complex love/hate relationships with our AMAZING bodies,.and by extension sometimes, our very selves? I feel like after reading this that you get it. I also love the acknowledgement of that “owning it” ferocity. I’ve been there. About to be there again as I’m a high school teacher returning to the classroom after a year and a half at home. I need some strong “own it” vibes. And finally the single life at our age (though you look much younger than my 57 years) NO. WORDS. because they’re all negative and THIS post isn’t THAT!!
Kimberly! What a gift you gave me with your words. Thank you! I am 54 and just loving it! Such a gift, isn’t it? I do think that accepting ourselves – and our bodies – is such a process that has many twists and turns. I have sought out help over the years because the issue is much deeper than curvy thighs as you know. I am profoundly grateful that I am “doing life” with all of you amazing ladies. You truly are my peeps and we all know the “feels” and challenges. Let’s definitely keep the conversations going!
And as for returning to the classroom, you got this. The way I face so many things is a “I have handled harder things than this, I can do it” attitude. Occasionally it is the “fake it until you make it” smiley face but . . . Put on some badass music that morning and dance it out – strut in like you just left. Maybe get the students up to dance, too! Who can resist shaking their assets?
I’m so glad you put the dress on today and honored all these parts of your journey. One of my favorite things as my weight has been ticking down again has been shopping in my closet.
You have definitely been part of the journey, my friend. My breakdown to a breakthrough way back when for example. Here’s to friendship – and shopping in our closets 🙂
Such an amazing post from such an amazing woman! You once had no idea how far you could go and then you spread your wings and took flight!!! I miss you and look forward to our reconnection – I think in your neck of the woods. It will be epic!!! ❤️❤️😍😍🤪🤪
I adore you. Thank you! We have all been on quite the rollercoaster, huh? But it all leads to today. Definitely miss your face!
Just joined the group today as I saw your post through Begin With Yes!
Thank you so very much for being so “Real”! It’s what my goal is at 68. It’s hard work, but hanging around like minded women, makes it so much more fun!
You are incredibly sweet – thank you, Maureen. Today is a good day to start – or continue – right?! I love the aging process as it puts things in perspective and makes us have profound appreciation. I appreciate you reaching out, my new friend.
Beautiful ! So well said ! It was not about the dress ! It was all the memories ! I to experience that in my home ! I have lived here 35 years it is full of memories ! Births Deaths weddings LOVES ! Heartache I could go on it BREATHES it was the first HOME I found after years of searching ! Now at 82 on 8/2 my Daughter thinks it is time to let it go ! I SAY NO IT IS MY WORLD ! IT IS MY DRESS !
Hell no to letting go! These things, mementoes and memories matter to you! I am all for downsizing or “purging,” but certainly not the stuff that tugs at our hearts. I want to be you when I turn 82 – keep rocking it Dorothy!
Leslie, you never cease to amaze or impress! I can relate to your story and journey as so many of us do. Please keep connecting and motivating. I look forward to seeing you I. The future!!!
So great to hear from you – thank you for the kind words. I know you are a busy lady and it means a lot! Hope to see you soon.