A Note from Leslie Sturgeon
WIW Founder
I love Robin Roberts of Good Morning America. She is strong, focused, funny and just plain cool. Over the years when facing challenges, she has reiterated her mantra of “Make Your Mess Your Message.” It is with this in mind that I’m being raw and vulnerable today. Deep breath, here goes:
My mess:
- I am terrible at self-care and in this area I don’t practice what I preach to my WIW community. My life has always been about others and never about myself and taking care of myself on many levels.
- I have felt that asking for help meant that someone else would be burdened by coming to my aid and it would be a disruption in their lives. Plus I often felt that it showed weakness that I can’t handle something. The funny thing is – when others asked me for help, I was honored and didn’t think they were weak at all – in fact I thought they were brave. Go figure!
- Those who know me well know that I have ridiculously high standards and expectations for myself. Beating myself up when I felt that I was not performing at my best or doing my best or progressing has become a daily ritual for me. (I do know a lot of you continuously beat yourself up as well so let’s make a deal to stop doing it, okay?)
- There have been so many HUGE challenges in my life in the past 3 years that I feel like my head is spinning, not to mention my heart is heavy. There has been tremendous loss including my beloved Dad 12 hours before my NH Conference for Women which tested my ability to let go of him and control of everything else in my life. (There were many gifts that came about during that week, too.) There have been family members who battled significant health issues and I was faced with their care and mortality. I had to juggle more responsibilities. I had to develop more patience and try to keep my new short temper under control. I said goodbye to friends who passed on, planned funerals which I had never done before, laid my old faithful dog to rest and then trained a new puppy, had to be fingerprinted after my house was robbed the day of Dad’s memorial celebration, got out of my comfort zone on so many occasions that I have lost count, took on new projects that tested my capabilities . . . all while trying to grow WIW.
- Joyful, fun activities and moments were replaced with panic that I wouldn’t get everything done, that I was disappointing people who were counting on me, that emails had gone unanswered for extremely long periods of time, calls weren’t returned promptly, that my head was foggy whereas I used to be super sharp and had a great memory, I had developed resentment, and on and on.
- Basically I have felt my life was unraveling right in front of my eyes.
My message and the reason I’m sharing all of this stuff with you . . .
After a bit of an overdue meltdown, some wise and wonderful friends told me that because I have a forum – my WIW community – that being raw with all of you would help me to gain strength to make the changes I need to make in my life. And that perhaps along the way me putting it all out there might inspire others to unleash all that is pent up in them and take steps to create a new beginning. I was reminded that I didn’t have to be perfect and always set a good example for my WIW peeps – that in my vulnerability and willingness to finally ask for help/support, that I would be demonstrating leadership. Hopefully that is the case and you haven’t been shaking your head saying, “Who is this nutcase?” <grin> I rarely let my guard down and share my “mess” let alone ask for help, but here I am. I have to say, just writing all of this felt freeing. Send me your bills for therapy!
My top 10 commitments to myself are that I (1) will go a bit easier on myself; (2) add more joy and relaxation into my life; (3) reiterate boundaries to those who are attempting to blur the boundary lines; (4) pursue help in addressing the stress, weight, overall health, etc. Make more time for massages and facials as I love them so much! (5) ask for help on a more regular basis and keep reminding myself that so much does not need to be done solo – asking is not a sign of weakness. This is a new skill I will have to learn to develop and break 47 years of bad habits! (6) get more than a few hours of sleep a night; (7) spend more time with those who make me laugh and smile; (8) stop running through life like my hair is on fire and get back to enjoying the journey; (9) continue being vulnerable and not afraid to show my imperfections; and (10) indulge in a little retail therapy because that makes EVERYTHING better!
Whew! Thanks for “listening.” As my friends said, putting it all out there would be liberating, and I think they were right. It is lonely being on this self-improvement/self-care journey all by myself – who can I count on to travel this road with me?
Hugs and oodles of gratitude, Leslie
IT’S.ABOUT.TIME! HALLELUJAH!!!! AMEN. WOO-HOO! I for one will be holding you to everyone of these commitments and you know that.
I have tears in my eyes as I write this, because I am so amazingly proud of you for taking this next step on your journey to being your best self. You have taken care of everyone else, now it’s time for you to learn to take care of you. I know that you have shown compassion to myself (and my mess) and many of my WIW sisters on many occasions…now it’s time to learn to accept help from those of us who love and support you. Thank you for being brave enough to invite us along, and let us know how specifically we can help you. Self care is an art (what works for me might not work for you), not a science. Be gentle with my friend Leslie – she deserves nothing but the very best.
L- we don’t know each other very well but I would be
Honored to be part of your circle to call on for
Help and support in any of the areas you are working on-
And when you need help- I will be if service.
Bravely done!
Good for you!
Barbara B
Good for you Leslie! You are far from weak. You are one of the strongest women I know for many, many reasons and asking for help is top on the list! Its a big step to take & I think I can speak for all of us within you WIW community, that we’re proud of you that you did.
Now, take some time to yourself & if you need ANYTHING by all means give me a shout! I’ll do what I can to help in any way. 🙂
Leslie – what an article – so glad to hear you are making you a priority – as someone who could have easily written that note a few years back…when you make yourself as much (or more) of a priority as you do everyone else – everything changes, everything gets better, everything gets easier!
Here’s to your journey – wishing you an easy road filled with health, love, happiness, growth and no hair on fire!!! 🙂
I hear ya kiddo – The past 6 years have been non-stop chaos for me…First there was the death of a beloved pet, then there was the death of a beloved child – which somehow made me suddenly aware of how many of my relationships with so called good friends and even family were basically one-sided and very unsatisfying. To wit – a series of estrangements – including those with our own children – brought me to realize that sometimes you have to walk away.
Leslie – all I can say is your meltdown is all YOURS – you earned and you deserve to have it. And, believe it or not, it can actually be theraputic – because when you start picking up the pieces, you begin to see the world in a different way.
Today, I find myself 3 children and 2 grandchildren and about 3 good friends lighter. But what has become most important to me is the quality of the relationships I do have. I have become much less eager to please others and in doing so, have accidentally stumbled upon a much more selective criteria for the people I choose to deal with. Toxic and hurtful people are no longer welcome in my life. Neither are the shallow, the superficial and the self absorbed.
I have my husband, two beautiful labs(including a fairly new puppy), my home, plenty to eat, enough money to be comfortable. These days, I tend to count the things I am grateful for rather than my so called friends (and family).
If there is just one thing I learned from my 44 year old daughter’s death and the utter chaos that has since ensued, it is that life is really short and to waste any of it dealing with selfish, hurtful people is nothing short of criminal.
I hope the road ahead is easier for you.
Sincerely,
T.K.
Count me in! The fact that you took the time to write this all down and hit the “post” button is a huge leap in the right direction. You have set some lofty goals for yourself-just make sure the goals don’t get in the way of those days when coping is at it’s limit. My whole business and what I think about 24/7 is founded upon “what matters most”. Happy to join your journey, by your side, and with no judgement. This is a judgment free zone!
Onward….
Good for you…magical things happen when you put yourself first!
GOOOOD FOR YOU LESLIE!
Love, Love, Love your free speech about topics, things, expectations, etc in our loves that most women keep quite about.
My girlfriends and I joke about it but for real…..Sometime you need to have a good cry, a solid freak out, or meltdown to gather yourself lol 🙂
Lots of hugs and know that there are ONLY several hundred women that would help you any day, as you have done for others 🙂
xoxoxoxo
Nikki
Hello Leslie,
Quite sure you would not remember me, but I was with Mary Murphy on the day of the Conference. You impressed me beyond belief! I am a recent graduate of Massage Therapy school. I would be honored to give you a massage. I am happy to travel to you! In the meantime, you will be in my thoughts and prayers! I totally agree with you that it is difficult to ask for help. Kudos to you for putting it out there!! And thank you for all you do for so many women!
Hope to meet you again soon,
Meg
Leslie,
Wow, you really needed that, and I needed to hear it! That I’m not the only one living in that crazy place right now. Remember a couple of years ago and I said that I often think of my life as if I’m in a movie? Well, my life suddenly became more Miley Cyrus than Margaret Thatcher, and I realized I was the one who held myself to those impossible standards day in and day out. I’m not really Miley or Margaret, that’s a bit too far in both directions. But that everything that happens is not a global disaster or Mardi Gras but somewhere in between. We are all on our own journeys, and yours and mine have touched in various places. Mine has become better for knowing you and I hope you feel the same. Call me when you visit the Seacoast with 5 extra minutes!
Karen
Leslie….I am beyond happy for you and this step you’ve taken! I love you so much and am so proud of your willingness to step into vulnerability. It was something I did (reluctantly) years ago at a life changing conference and is SO EMPOWERING!!! You are my idol, my mentor and my friend and I truly appreciate your conversation here. I absolutely will go on this journey with you and will be happy to hold you accountable for those 10 commitments. You ROCK my friend and I’m so excited that you are deciding to take care of YOU. HUGS!
You are a brave woman Leslie. Too many of us walk around trying to be strong, tough and unshakable; we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. We can all benefit from this wonderful example you’ve set. I’ve experienced similar events in my life, including recently loosing a parent so I understand how difficult it is to recover from this huge lose while trying to keep all the other balls in the air. Thank you for reminding me that it’s ok to be human.
Lorraine
Leslie, Thank you so much for sharing. I truly believe we all have messy lives (some more than others – LOL). The point is that we all have challenges in our lives to dance around and maybe dance with. Those challenges allow us to grow & become richer with experiences – ahhhh wisdom it’s a wonderful thing!
We are all here to learn, grow and serve others along the way. I got some quotes from someone in preparation for a call yesterday. One of the quotes was from Shakespeare “It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” You have been serving the women of NH on so many levels for so long. It was bound to happen…you were bound to find a way to help yourself through your incredible gifts to all of us who enjoy your amazing events, who have aha moments that help us move forward.
It was bound to happen – and I love the quote “It takes a breakdown for the breakthrough.” So your breakdown was needed for you to receive the gift of the breakthrough you’ve shared. I too have been on the brink of that breakdown after raising 4 kids (2 adopted from the state who had massive emotional needs). After 13 years of nurturing bigtime, I had a few breakdown moments (OK…maybe more than a few :-)….and some breakthrough thoughts and ideas formed from that and the next phase of my life began to unveil itself (and is still unveiling itself to me).
It does take stopping so you can listen to your wisdom from within–& I know you are WISE girlfriend! It takes the vulnerability that you shared with us in this post. It takes deciding to change some of the ways you have been doing things so you do not become insane trying to change without changing. I have loved you and your spirit since the first night I met you at your first Bedford/Manchester area event. That night changed the course of my life. I met a beautiful person who I now know will be a friend for life. I met someone who was real. I met you – a woman inspiring women – serving in a big way. You are amazing and I support you and would love to join you in all 10 of your commitments to yourself. We all could use a bit of self-commitment–It’s a beautiful thing.
Black & Pink Hugs! Ann
Blessings to you, Leslie! I, too, am thrilled to have read your outpouring, and I pray that you will follow your new goals with peace and joy, and not as overwhelming tasks. I think you are growing up, my dear! I have been reading about the True Self vs. the False Self that we need to create to get through the first half of life, until we discover or get a glimpse of our True Selves in the second half of life. You have wonderful friends and loving comments expressed here, and that matters so very much. I am available as well to chat, walk, tell you about our gym (LASC), have a meal with you, share books with you, just be there, whatever. You have been a rock for so many others, including me, and now you really need to grab that oxygen mask for yourself before assisting others! Sure do love you! Jane
So proud and excited for you Leslie! As one who always took care of everyone else first it was a real eye opener at one of YOUR events when I heard, “learn to say NO to more so you can say YES to more of the things you WANT to”. About that same time I was also told that I needed to put my own oxygen mask on first. Meaning if we don’t take care of ourselves first we will have nothing to give anyone else. So let’s put our own oxygen masks on First! We are all here for you and I know someone who can help you with #4 and get you in for a massage asap! Hugs!!
I was at the Mass Conference for Women last year when Robin Roberts talked about “Making Your Mess Your Message’. It really hit home and is so true – we are ALL human, beautiful imperfect human beings. And while we put on a facade for the world at times, our true self really shines through when we are honest an open about who we are – right now in this moment.
Many kudos to you Leslie for being so open, so honest, with your struggles on self care. We can all relate and share many of the same struggles ourselves.
The love and support of the WIW community is always there – giving you a big PINK hug 🙂
Wow Leslie, sending you huge high fives! We all have things that have set us back, myself included and to come out and be honest with yourself in front of your friends and business peers is a huge. I have always looked at you as a woman of strength and incredible milestones with all that you have accomplished with Women Inspiring Women. You have actually made me sit back and think about all the obstacles along the way in my own life. I am known for my great listening skills and seeing the brighter side even when life brings on something unexpected. I am here, along with all your great friends…
It takes so much time for us to recognize we need to be loved, by ourselves! You are an amazing woman, Leslie, and for everyone who knows you, hopefully I speak for us all, it’s an honor to have you in our lives. It is very difficult to be vulnerable, because when you go out on that limb, someone out there might take advantage of that. Know that in your WIW circle, we don’t do that. We love you and support you for who you are. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability, thank you for FINALLY knowing asking for help is ok, and mostly, thank you for giving of yourself, every day to make my life a better one! Hugs, xoxoxoxxo
You are beautiful. It is all about being transparent, honest and real. Unleashing our true self so that we can mold and shape new ideals. It often takes being completely fed up before we shift. Honesty with self and others is the most powerful starting point. It feels like surrender yet it is a sure sign of strength. There is such a fine blurry line between being selfless and serving God and others and practicing self love. Me time is a sacred art that can be learned and for many of us does not come naturally. So…we must be conscious and practice self care a day at a time.
Sweet, smart, beautiful, powerful, brave and wonderful Leslie:
YOU GOOOOO, GIRL!!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo infinity
<3
Leslie, I hope you’re 10 feet off the ground after sharing your story. You should also know that by being vulnerable, you’re also modeling what all women need to do. I’m proud of you & smile as I feel like we’re on similar journeys, because I recently admitted my home maintenance strategy included only 4 hours of work I’d do myself, hiring others to take care of everything else.
You have empowered so many of us women with your vulnerability and I am so grateful to you for sharing. I think so many of us do not like to ask and receive help and then beat ourselves up. That has always been my problem. I was so used to spending most of my life giving that when life unraveled I retreated and did not know how to deal with it. When I had sunk so low that I really didn’t think I had much to live for and I felt like a complete loser, I finally reached out to friends and loved ones and was amazed that I really did have people there for me. I had a hard time being there for myself because I had felt I had messed up my life so bad. It was feeling my intense gratitude to the people that had stood by that I owe the inspiration for starting my business. I still beat myself up but I am gentler on myself and I am more open to sharing my vulnerabilities. By sharing I have met so many wonderful inspiring women and realize we are all in this together! With Gratitude, Beth
Leslie…what a great story. Being vulnerable is the first step to living and being authentic. You are now open to so many possibilities. Let me know if I can help in your journey.
Leslie, I missed this article the first time, but so glad you re-posted it. How are you doing with your self-care? My heart aches hearing you say that being too hard on yourself had become a daily ritual. You are a touchstone for so many, loved and looked up to by so many. It’s an act of love not only to yourself but to your community to take care of yourself, emotions and all. Wishing you the best, and looking forward to seeing you May 1st in Portsmouth!