We Learn When We Get Uncomfortable
By Leslie Sturgeon, WIW Founder
I had been excited to get updated branding photos to capture the older, bolder version of myself (the other photos were so old and a different time in my life). As the day was drawing near, this process turned into something that was causing my stomach to flip. I had to dig deep for the tools I learned through many fabulous leaders, personal growth experts, therapy, conversations with friends and so on. Here are some rambling thoughts from this experience:
Trust the professionals but don’t lose yourself in the process. Many of you know that I am a control freak when it comes to my Women Inspiring Women brand. I also know the importance of hiring talented people. I truly trusted Trayce Gregoire and her masterful skills but was getting lost in what is normal for branding photos in terms of colors, patterns, props, positions, etc. Something felt off for me. I woke up Sunday morning after a final call with Trayce on Saturday and said, “I have to be me. Trust your gut, Leslie.” Even if some of the shots were more traditional in nature (and serve a different purpose for me), I had to have some sparkle and a hint of sass. I then pulled together way too many clothes and accessories but wanted to have options while “in the moment.”
Monday morning rolled around, and I was excited to see Trayce and Janeen Jones who was doing my hair and makeup once again! Janeen is a talented spitfire and our unfiltered, playful personalities really mesh. I knew I was in good hands! However, that is when the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee arrived, took up residence in my head and had a full agenda LOL. I was embarrassed that my face was a mess from stress. I was then struggling with the clothing we picked out for the first set because it didn’t fit me well. Hello guilt and shame for having gained back about 40 lbs. of the 100 I lost (see other blog posts about that journey).
We started shooting and if you have had professional photos before, you know there is a lot of positioning, turning of the head, “turtling” of the chin, fixing of clothing and all the things! Both Trayce and Janeen knew of my body insecurities as I was very open about it (albeit, still feeling shame). I kept thinking, “I wonder if they have to work this hard on someone skinny?” while the people pleasing side of me wanted to get through it quickly to save them from extra work and keep on schedule.
More clothes and more shots. I would look at some of the photos and immediately see ALL the flaws. The “Committee” was not letting up in my head, “Why can’t you settle down, Leslie? You are always so relaxed but today you are a mess.” “These pictures aren’t going to capture the true essence of you because you are not being you, pull yourself together even if you have to fake it.” (Side note: I never do well with the “faking it until you make it” theory.) “Why did you spend the money and take time out of a tremendously busy time period to do this?” “The photos will suck because you are not doing well and will blow it.” “Why did you pack so much, try to think ahead to all the shots needed to maximize the shoot and continue once again to go overboard? When will you strive to be more of a minimalist?” “Damn, Leslie, you are just too much.”
Trayce and Janeen then became my coach and therapist. We talked about getting out of my head and leaning into the process. The words I frequently say to others, I had to say to myself. I had to manage the other dialogue in my head about taking too much of their time, that I was probably driving them insane and we needed to wrap up. I left the studio emotionally drained and am still out of sorts two days later. Now the mind clutter is about trying to figure out the meaning of all of this because there are many lessons and insights. I am attempting to give myself grace as the thoughts of how much work there is to be done on the NH Conference for Women keep racing in saying “time is ticking, girl.”
What I do know for sure is trust your gut even when it gets queasy. Be open and vulnerable because when you surround yourself with the right people, they don’t judge. They hold your hand, they see you, they have you . . . occasionally they use your words against you and kick your tushy just a little LOL. Life is about collaboration and community. We were a team of talented women the other day. They both worked so well together and creatively to bring out the best in me. I leaned into them because I knew by doing so I would grow and in turn help others grow. As women we need to continue working on getting out of our heads and into our hearts. Without a doubt, Trayce and Janeen, you touched my heart so very much. Wow, this was vulnerable and kind of uncomfortable, but there it is.
Leslie Sturgeon is the spirited founder of Women Inspiring Women, and has been described as a reformed shy girl, a serial entrepreneur, a tireless leader of women in New Hampshire, a crazy dog lover and as someone who tackles life’s challenges head on with a positive attitude. She has spent her life learning about herself, taking massive action outside of her comfort zone and lived to talk about it. Leslie has “been there” and continues to transform into the best version of herself right along side you. She lives life without regret while embracing today and overflowing with excitement about what is yet to come. Leslie also likes girl talk and chocolate and laughing so hard she snorts or pees (sometimes both simultaneously).
A candid from the photo shoot. Stay tuned for the others!
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