By Leslie Sturgeon
You heard about an event that sounds absolutely fascinating, but you couldn’t possibly attend. The kids need you at home? The boss has a project for you to complete? You need a root canal? No, it is anxiety that is holding you back! “I can’t walk into a room full of strangers,” you say to yourself. “I would rather have surgery instead.” Let me tell you – I have come up with every conceivable excuse for not attending a social or networking event and, after many baby steps and a few leaps of faith, I survived. Not only did I live to tell about it, but I empowered myself by overcoming debilitating fear. You know what I’m talking about . . . the sweaty palms, the racing heart, the pounding headache, the nausea, those fluttering butterflies, the terror! We have all experienced it before, even the naturally gifted networkers. The thought that we might be rejected or ridiculed has kept us from meeting many people.
I went from avoiding people to being a networking “machine,” a person who gets great pleasure from connecting with others and bringing people together. In fact, the old me would never put myself into a networking situation, and the new, improved me, created a networking association! It can be done, but it takes commitment and determination.
Networking used to be a term associated with business, but in today’s world, networking is connecting with others for personal reward as well. Getting insight and experiences from others adds immeasurable value to your own endeavors. Seeking out like minded women is the place to start – whether the group is industry focused women, professional women or just a gathering of women interested in a common recreation. You begin by having the same interests. Immersing yourself into a group of women just like you, will enable you to forge immediate relationships and deep bonds. Sure, some of the women may be older, younger, have a different career or economic standing, but they are still women with parallel interests to yours. Be prepared to be inspired, because when you surround yourself with women, there is no shortage of great conversation and sharing of ideas. Observing others is a great educational tool especially if you engage in meaningful conversations and don’t be afraid to ask questions. You can also become a mentor by sharing your wisdom and life experiences with others.
My biggest piece of advice would be to not be intimidated as you enter a room and people appear to be talking in groups. Oftentimes things are not as they appear. Perhaps they are a group of new networkers like you that just met. Never assume they are more comfortable or more experienced than you are. Don’t make those butterflies in your stomach cause you to turn on your heels and run away. Remember that you will not become a natural networker overnight, so don’t beat yourself up. But you will become empowered the more you do it, and the relationships that you will make will enhance your life so much more than you could ever imagine.
Here are some strategies that have worked for me personally:
Be a Greeter!
If you are attending a business event, ask the host if they need registration help or if you can serve as an ambassador or greeter. This allows you to interact with everyone who enters without having to “work the room.” Those attending get to meet you, too, whereas they might not have otherwise. You have a specific duty during the event and it is a great ice breaker with huge rewards.
Saddle Up to the Bar!
Standing in line to get a beverage at the bar is a great way to meet strangers. Make conversation while waiting and no exit strategy is needed because when you are next at the bar, the conversation can be over. This works well at the food stations as well, although I personally do not eat at networking events unless it’s a sit down meal. I am there to work, not eat!
Bring a Friend (especially one with connections!)
Like so many, early in my networking endeavors I was fearful of making conversations with strangers. How would I begin a conversation, keep it going and end it? I decided to ask someone to tag along with me to a business event so that if conversations were minimal, she could be there with me so I wasn’t standing alone. I invited a woman who knew everyone with the hope she could introduce me to many others. I also closely observed how she handled herself and incorporated some of her “secrets” into my own networking efforts. Now I try to give back by inviting women to attend events with me, while they gain confidence in their networking skills.
Fake it Until You Make it, Baby!
Think about the last time you were in a big group? Did you gravitate to the person with the big frown who was saying, “Don’t bother me” with their rigid body language? I doubt it. Think about your own body language and how others might perceive it. Your stomach may be saying, “Take me home now,” but make sure your eyes, smile and arms are saying, “I’m the coolest person here, and you have to meet me!” Look approachable, make eye contact, smile, laugh, loosen up, wear inviting clothing and act like you own the place. People will feel like you are a fun person and they should get to know you.
Have a Fully Equipped Arsenal!
Yes, you are waging a war . . . your internal war against the stress of networking. Set yourself up for success before attending any business or social event. Build up your arsenal of conversation starters by knowing your audience. If you are attending a Business After Hours at a newly renovated hotel, you can begin a discussion with someone by saying, “Have you been here since the renovations? They are just beautiful.” The conversation will naturally evolve. Think of open ended questions to ask . . . talk about the venue, the hosts, the weather or pay the person a compliment. You can be direct and ask them to describe their ideal customer or ask how you can help them grow their business.
Have a few exit strategy comments in your arsenal as well. “Sue, I enjoyed visiting with you. Have a great evening, and I hope to see you at the next event.” You are both there to network and need to maximize your time. The other person doesn’t want to spend all their time talking with you just as you don’t want to with them.
Table Talk!
You are seated with a group of strangers for a luncheon event and no one is talking. Remind yourself that you are there to work . . . network! Do yourself and everyone else a favor by initiating discussion. Become the host of the table but don’t monopolize the conversation. “Hi everyone, I’m Carol, and I don’t believe we have all met.” Encourage everyone at the table to introduce themselves. Dig in to your arsenal and ask a question such as, “Has anyone ever heard one of our keynote speaker’s presentations before?” This will seem like a gigantic step, but it will get easier with time. Don’t wait for others because they probably won’t “take the lead.” You can do it, go ahead! You will become the star of the table because you lightened the mood for everyone and made the event more productive and enjoyable for all of you!
Become a Good Listener!
Nearly as important as initiating conversation is your ability to listen to the answer or reply. Be completely engaged in what is being said to not only learn about the other person but to also identify further opportunities for conversation. Don’t be in a hurry to promote yourself – that will come in time after you have established a rapport. Initially make it all about the other person.
Practice, Practice, Practice!
We all know that practice makes perfect. Keep attending business and social events and you will undoubtedly gain skill and confidence. Continue honing your skills by talking to people everywhere you go – parties, weddings, airplane rides, grocery store lines, sporting events, kids parties, etc.
Other Helpful Hints!
- Before attending a networking function, define your objective and know why you are there. Maybe establish a goal so you can measure your success. For example, that you will have meaningful conversations with three new people. But remember – it’s the quality, not the quantity that counts.
- The name tag is worn on the right side to provide an easy straight line to your name when shaking hands. Consider a professionally prepared name tag that you wear to all functions.
- Have an effective handshake. This may appear obvious, but you have probably been on the receiving end of at least one “limp fish.” Remember what you were thinking at the time! A firm handshake exudes confidence. Be the first to extend your hand – to both men and women. Again, this is a sign of confidence!
- Be sure to introduce yourself and have an “elevator” speech available that describes who you are or what you do in 10 seconds or less. In the first few moments of any encounter don’t worry what you say. It can be mundane, regular “stuff.” You don’t have to dazzle them with your brilliance, charm and wit in the first few seconds. Focus on maintaining a positive demeanor, being sincere and listening.
- When appropriate offer a business card and ask the other person for one of his or hers. Do not immediately shove theirs in your purse. By looking at the card, you are honoring them. And you can also glean some more conversation ideas from their card.
- Once the event is over, your networking doesn’t stop. Be sure to follow up with those you have met, keep in contact, share information and offer to help in any way you can. Be sure to send a written acknowledgment or thank you card to your networking contacts.
- Remember that you personally have to make the most of your networking opportunities – people won’t flock to you just because you are there with a positive aura around you.
- However, don’t run from person to person collecting as many business cards as you can. How can you possibly build a relationship with a person when your objective is to get out there and collect cards? Spend most of your time and effort on people who can help each other out for the long term.
- Most importantly – just be your authentic self. Don’t feel you need to compete with others in the room. Win people over by the essence of “you.” When you are yourself, it takes all the pressure off. Trust me!
Networking can be a fun and easy way to enrich your life, broaden your horizons and enhance your career/business. But it can also be potentially devastating if you act rudely, insensitively or ignore the needs and desire of others. Remember, crucial to your success is that you treat networking as an exchange of ideas, information and experience. Be generous in sharing your talents, experiences and ideas and always be respectful of those around you.
You can do it, one step, one handshake at a time. What are you waiting for, there are people out there who want and need to meet you!
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